As writers, we have many unusual quirks and hang-ups. Here are a few reasons why we are, indeed, wacky. Heck, some might even assume we’re certifiably crazy. I’ll let you be the judge…
1) Voices talk to us and we obey them. While some people consider this a condition, we call it a blessing. When the people in our head start talking and bossing us around, books get written. Writing their story is the only way to release them from the nutty confines of our mind and the only way to make room for more.
2) We stare at people while they talk and watch their expressions all in the name of research. While they grimace and grin and make all the other facial twitches we do as humans, writers are mentally recording these for later use. When you finally finish telling a writer whatever it is you were talking about, we find ourselves scrambling to form a response because we have no idea what it is you actually said.
3) We have become a harsh movie critics and tear apart nearly every movie, especially the horror movies, and drone on to our significant others about how the plot could have and should have been further developed. As a writer, we’re a master at these things now of course…
4) On more than one occasion, we’ve considered writing what is considered the popular trend at the moment because, let’s face it, My Stepsister Mistress Vampire Lover could totally make us a USA Today Bestselling author.
5) As authors, many of us have street teams—a virtual environment where our book friends “pound the pavement” in getting the word out about us. The concept is unusual, and in all honesty, we’re not sure of any other profession where this would be an acceptable practice. I mean, come on, we have groups about us where we expect a group of unpaid people to “pimp” us out. Very narcissistic we writers can be!
6) Our search history on our computers is downright deplorable. We hope that our “but I’m an author” claim will one day get us out of heat with the FBI as they rifle through our endless searches of drug street names, fetishes, how to get away with murder, and so on.
7) We make up pen names to hide behind. It is one of the few professions where it is acceptable to lie about who you are and all of your qualifications—even what you look like. When you want to write something outside of the norm, you simply choose another pen name to hide behind. People don’t even think twice about how bizarre this practice is because we’re writers. Free pass of course.
8) Our tendency to interrupt others mid-conversation when inspiration hits is come to be expected. If we don’t write that thought down that popped into our head at that exact moment, it is possible that it will be lost forever. One can’t ever pass up jotting down what could be the most brilliant idea ever! Sorry Grandma for interrupting your story about how the cashier down at the Walmart wasn’t polite when you asked about senior discounts…
9) As writers, we’re super procrastinators, er multitaskers, and spend nearly as much time browsing hideous stock photos for teasers and book covers as we do actually writing the book.
10) We cry at our own words. Over and over again. And even when we know how the story will end, we’ll still cry. Our characters piss us off and sometimes we give them all the mental bird. My husband once said, “But you know what’s going to happen. Why are you upset?” Why is the sky blue? Some things in life are mysteries. This is one of them.
So, in a nutshell, if you’re close to an author, know this about them: They are loons. Absolute whack jobs. Crazy.
However, despite our odd behavior, we are creative, passionate, and quick thinkers. We are workaholics and perfectionists. Without our ability to step inside of our own minds and pluck out the truly entertaining creations, this world would be a whole lot less colorful and fun.
Your wacky writer friend,